so in the past week i've encountered 23+ panic attacks, i've been accused of heinous crimes against my school, and i've discovered that nobody believes me, even the people that i thought i could trust. then, this morning, the dean of women comes over and brings me a formal letter which said that i have to be outta here before 4pm tomorrow. so yea, just got kicked outta bible college.. .way. to. go.
despite the fact that i've only ever been accused and didnt actually even do anything i presented the 'appearance of evil'. sure i wasnt perfect, but i'm the best candidate to cast the blame on cause i had a rough semester back in the fall, altho i apparently wasnt bad enough back then to kick out, so why now?
its because of this anxiety disorder. it makes living here too stressful for me and for everyone else. nobody knows what it is and how to deal with. so even tho i'm on meds now, there's still the threat that it might happen again, so its best for everyone that i leave. btw, they didn't provide me any place to go to, so thankfully i know some ppl in abbotsford (about an hour away) that'll take me in, altho that means that i'll lose my job which means that i'll be really really broke. sigh. life is pretty shitty at the moment.
i am disgusted by this sick version of christianity. i almost have a mind to reject it myself. if this is what 'brotherly love' looks like, i dont want anything to do with it. i've found more friends (that aren't christians mind u) that are concerned about me and are open and accepting of who i am and what i'm going through rite now than i've ever encountered with the christians i've met out here.
and this version of myself has yet to attempt to go back home.
we'll see how my faith evolves from here. at the moment its sitting in a pile on the floor.